A new year a new Resolution

SO this year I plan to blog abotu being a mom and actually do it with some sense of regularity. I think part of the problem is I have this need to write down EVERY moment of every day so that I can look back when Madeline is older and driving me towards disowning her and think ah there was a time that she was sweet, cute, needed me, cried for no reason. Oh woops she's a girl that will happen for a long long time. But in reality I am too busy actually making a life with her to have umpteen hours detailing it here.

A few things to remind me of a typical day in the land of Madeline

Wake up hopefully after a full night of sleep in her own bed (most of the time yes) sometimes no and DEMAND to be feed that instant!

Diaper change and possible barf up a good precentage of that milk on mommy and then off to play.

Jump around in exersaucer for a while and whine cause bored/not enough attention/dropped Sophie

Then mom comes to entertain me and drink a few sips of coffee while it is hot

Breakfast of fruit or veggie puree Homemade of course which varies from okay I guess I'll eat it to shovel the food in faster mom no faster. Most days she also loves to stick her hands in her mouth while being fed so that makes laundry SO MUCH extra fun later when I have to scrub like hell to get out the yams she covered herself in. Followed by milk again

More play time and then NAP!!! More milk and some rocking from mommy and them Sleep from 1-2 hours. This has been lots and lots of hard work to get here to sleeping alone in her crib for at least an hour. Making her room pitch black like an underground cave and swaddling her again seems to help for now.

Wake up and MILK NOW!!!! Then the same basic loop again unless we have exercise class for mom (gotta get the mom tummy somewhat flatter) or errands to run.

We end our day with a bath. Boy does she love bath time I swear I could leave her in the tub for hours. Maybe she'll grow up to be a swimmer or diver or spa repair person. The massage jammies more rocking and nursing and to bed she goes. Hopefully for another full night of sleeping alone.

One day I will actually blog

I keep meaning to write on this thing and I know that when she is 13 and terrible, sassy, and down right annoying I will need these memories to stop me from sending her away but her life right now seems to prevent that from happening.

But she seems to be napping better these days. How you ask? Well I re-swaddled her all tight nd burrito style for every darn nap, night sleeping possible. It seems to be working and we all are more rested and happy. That hopefully means more time to blog about her life. Plus I need a New Year's resolution and this may just be the one.

Sypnosis now she is eating solids, grabbing everything especially my face and the hubs chest hair. Knowing how to roll over but wont, sort of sitting up, playing in the exercauser alot, and most importantly getting loads of love from her family.

Milestones

Now at 90 days old Madeline has made such progress and like a true parent I can't help but brag about it. She has met all of the should be able to many of the may be able to's and even a few of the possibly able to's. She loves to stand up (with help) and has amazing head control. As my friend Laura said, " A few more weeks and she'll be a hip kid." She loves to sit and look at you and talks and talk and talks- if only I knew what she was saying. She can push her self onto her arms when you put her on her tummy and looks around although not for very long and she is not a huge tummy time fan. She had found her hands and loves to put them in her mouth. She is starting to grab at stuff although there does not seem to be able to control it much. Smiling she has got DOWN and it is so cute. I could look at her smiles forever and she uses it to get what she wants which is usually attention from anyone and everyone. She is laughing too but rarely and only Uncle Ross has gotten her really going OF COURSE! She is trying to roll over-a skill I have mixed emotions about and I am sure she will be rolling all over the place soon.

We've gone to the Sonoma house multiple times, the northern California beach, San Francisco, Berkeley, Napa, Los Gatos, Oakland, wine tasting (twice) and will be heading to Santa Barbara in less than 2 days. Wow that's alot to do in 3 months. We have also had many visitors which I love especially when the grandparents come to visit. They are most helpful. Mommy and Daddy even went out to a wedding leaving you behind. Grandma says you were great. I wonder but you were asleep when we came home so it couldn't have gone too bad.

Here are a few of my favorite recent pics. She is SO BEYOND CUTE! I can't stand it.

I cannot wait to see what new milestones, adventures, and experiences the next 90 days will bring. With Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas in the mix I am sure there will be alot to report and A LOT of cute pics.

Quarter Life

Madeline,

I cannot believe that you are three months old today and pretty much a year since you came into existence. It seems like only yesterday Daddy and I learned that I was pregnant with you. How can the time have gone by so quickly. Already I have forgotten so much of what it was like to have you inside of me and those first weeks of life. Although I cannot remember everything and by the time you ask me about it I will remember even less just know that I LOVED every second of having you around. From that very first moment through today and beyond this has been by far the best experience of my life.I would never trade in a moment of it and my only wish is that every moment could be longer so I could savor the wonderfulness of you my girl. Over these past three months since you have been born you have changed in so may wonderful ways. Ways in which I am sad to see that prior behavior end but so excited for what is around each corner of your development. I know that this feeling of sadness for a time lost and excitement for what the future holds will be a feeling I will get to know quite a lot for the rest of your life. For parenthood has made me understand the feeling of bittersweet. With each new amazing first also comes a last. With each new milestone and development you become more and more independent; something that I love to watch but at the same time am just a little bit saddened by. Don't worry though Madeline I will never try to stop you from spreading your winds and learning how to best navigate your world.

When I was pregnant with you I was shopping in a store and came across a wooden plaque with this saying on it. When I read it I felt it perfectly captured how I felt about becoming a parent and I often re-read it as the words ring truer and truer each time I read.

" You are the poem I dreamed of writing, the masterpiece I longed to paint. You are the shining star I reach for in my ever hopeful quest for a life fullfilled. You are my child. Now with all things I am blessed."

Madeline know that each moment I have with you is a blessing.

I love you higher than the skies and deeper than the seas.
Mommy

The things I miss the most

As Madeline's first quarter of life is almost complete I cannot believe how much she has changed. In the next few posts I will write about how much she has grown, all of her accomplishments, and how much I have fallen in love with her but this post is all about the things I miss the most.

In three months my darling daughter has gone from this sleepy blob to an interactive baby. I love the more interactive version but there are some of her first weeks behaviors that i miss so much and I really wish I could go back and have a few more moments with them, or could have paused them the first time around to take picture, sear them into my memory and relish in their wonderfulness for just a little bit longer.

In no paticular order here they are

1. Non swaddled sleeping: When she was first born you could practically slump her on your chest and she'd go right to sleep, no swaddle no bouncy ball and if she could convince you no shirt. She would sleep right against us for hours all snuggled. Now a days it's a swaddled, exercise ball, patting, white noise experience. Oh how I long for those easy days and the super close feeling of nothing between us and our baby.

2. Newborn cries: newborn cries and very distinctive; they are quiet and squeeky, almost as if their lungs are incapable of making alot of noise. Those cries melt your heart and have you running a mile in 2 seconds flat to stop them. You can't really tell them apart and you haven't figured out meaning between them but all you know is you would sell your should to the devil himself to make them stop.

Now a days she cries like a baby. The cries are varied with a variety of meanings. Some of them still break your heart and have you running while others make you annoyed. The half cry telling you this is NOT what I want is my least favorite. And the whiney cry telling you to keep feeding me I find the cutest. But the cries when she gets hurt- the cry that begins silent and then is shreaky is still the one that gets me every time and just thinking about it makes me want to do anything to stop it.

3. Tiny hands: I miss her tiny hands. They were so little and itty bitty. Her hands are still small, she is just a little baby but i miss the incredible smallness of them when she was born. I am SO SO SO happy we have impressions of her hands and feet done because even now I look at that plaque and thing but they were so small. I believe this feeling will only get stronger and her hands grow further and further from those tiny hands of her first few days.

4. Milk Drunks. Those first few weeks were the best feeding her. Before the spitting up started and the screaming to be fed now and the looking all around during feeding taking my nipple with her (OUCH!!!) was heaven. The best part though was the end of the feeding. You would sit her up to burn her and she would just fall over all eyes half closed with this sleepy almost drunk look on her face as if to say," Definitely the best thing I've ever had." That face makes all the struggles of the first weeks of breast feeding more than worth it

5. Stretch Face. This is the thing I miss the most. The thing I would give anything for to get again and the thing I kick myself the most for not taking any really good pictures of. This si what stretch face is. When she was first born multiple times a day she would put her hands near her face and stretch her face and arms back. Her forehead would be scrunched up and her eyes would get all half closed. She would ball her fists up and it was the CUTEST thing ever. I called it her BIG STRETCHIES (in my best baby voice) and Jordan hated it but I couldn't help it was just the best thing I had ever saw. She still stretches every morning when I unswaddle her but now her arms and legs move better and they stretch all the way out like a kid not a tiny little cherub.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE all the things she does now and relish in them but there are things I miss so much about those first few weeks. Things I would do anything to get another chance to watch and soak up. Everyone told me it would go by too fast but I didn't realize how fast it would go and how much your heart would jump at each new milestone but also break that it meant the ending of other wonderful things. She's only 12 weeks old and already I want so bad to pause things and just relish in this stage for a little longer.

In the end it just makes me want a pause button that much more.

The First Month

I can't believe that Madeline has been here for a month already. It simultaneously feels like I just learned yesterday that I was pregnant with her and that she has been in my life forever. She and I have had many adventures this past month starting with her journey into the world. She has gotten so much bigger and has learned so may things this month. It's amazing that in just 30 days she can do so much, so many things that she could not do even days before.

Here are some of the highlights of the past month

Madeline can now follow something with her eyes and tracks together. No more crossed eyed drunk baby look for this little girl. Her favorite item to track is Jacques the Peacock. A definite must have for babies or those on a good acid trip, the only two cateogries of people that can look black and white geometric shapes for hours and be totally entranced by them.

Madeline is also learning to enjoy tummy time and is starting to strengthen her neck and can raise it up of the carpet a little bit. This allows her to briefly see things other than her hands and the beige carpet. We are hoping that she gets stronger sooner so she can look at more but for the time being she doesn't seem to mind the monotony of color.

What have I learned this month

-showers are highly over rated

-a good day is getting dressed... at all or brushing teeth sometime in the AM

-90% of life's tasks can be completed with one hand

-the human body can make an amazing array of sounds.. especially a tiny human body

-Before you have kids you can totally understand the downsides of parent hood but never really understand why it's all worth it

-My daughter fits perfectly into a part of my heart I didn't even know was empty but can't imagine ever being unfilled again

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The First 2 Weeks

I cannot believe that Madeline is already 2+ weeks old. How can it be, it feels like just yesterday I learned that I was pregnant with her and she's already growing and changing. These first two weeks have been a big learning curve with it's fair share of sleepness nights but I would not trade it anything in the world. I am on the hunt for that pause button because already it is going to fast.

In 2 weeks Madeline has already learned so much and grown a lot. She has mastered making our hearts melt, being the center of attention, and having us drop everything just to look at her beauty. In addition to these feats she is growing like a weed and gaining weight like a champ. I guess that's not hard when you eat every 2-4 hours. She still spends the majority of her day sleeping which is fine by me. It vies me plenty of time of drink in her wonderfulness while she sleeps on my chest; definitely her favorite place to nap.

She is already 21 and 1/4 inches and now weighs 7.12 lbs.

I cannot believe that she is already so big and is growing so much. I look forward to all the next moments in her life while at the same time trying to memorize all of these first moments.